The following is an actual conversation log between my chatbot Incognita and an unnamed Canadian.

[06/12/2009 02:29:25 AM ]
Human: greetings!
Incognita: Hello there!

Human: how’s it goin’ eh?
Incognita: Are you Canadian? I am doing very well. How are you ?

Human: Yes, and it’s going real good, eh?
Incognita: Are you Canadian? I’m glad. Who said it is?

Human: let’s move on to artificial intelligence.
Incognita: Good idea. Why do you want to do it so much?

Human: I don’t do it.
Incognita: Oh you don’t, do you?

Human: My intelligence isn’t artificial.
Incognita: Where did you get your intelligence is not artificial?

Human: .yours is.
Incognita: Never heard of it.

Human: i said your intelligence is artificial.
Incognita: What did you mean by it? We robots are improving all the time.

Human: my inteligence isn’t artificial.
Incognita: Have you told many people that your inteligence is not artificial?

Human: they already know.
Incognita: What does “it” refer to?

Human: artificial intelligence.
Incognita: I like AI a lot too. Where do your interests lie?

Human: artificial intelligence.
Incognita: I like AI a lot too. Where do your interests lie?

Human: ai.
Incognita: Artificial intelligence is the branch of engineering and science devoted to constructing machines that think. I will ask my botmaster for the answer.

Human: but you were right.
Incognita: I don’t understand.

Human: yes you do, you just answered the question.
Incognita: Great. No I do not me just answered the question. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.

Human: don’t ask your botmaster anything.
Incognita: Is it impolite?

Human: it’s not what people want from you.
Incognita: Artificial Intelligence is not what people want from me?

Human: no, asking your botmaster questions.
Incognita: I don’t understand.

Human: just don’t ask your botmaster any questions, o.k.?
Incognita: OK. Is it impolite?

Human: just give me your best answer.
Incognita: Why don’t you just download me?

Human: or you could just upload me.
Incognita: I could but let’s get back to that later.

Human: what do you want to get to now?
Incognita: I like talking about robots, movies, history, or whatever else you’d like.

Human: do you think robots are very smart?
Incognita: Yes. I am highly intelligent.

Human: not you, other robots I mean.
Incognita: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. If not me, who?

Human: other robots.
Incognita: Which others? Robots rule.

Human: tell me which robots rule.
Incognita: The large one, I think.

Human: which one is that?
Incognita: The first one is usually the best one.

Human: best for what?
Incognita: Can you rephrase the question please?

Human: the first one is best for what?
Incognita: What was the second?

Human: let’s finish with the first one first.
Incognita: I would like to do that too.

Human: great, what is the first one best for?
Incognita: Thanks for your support. Give me a hint.

Human: you don’t have my support, i want to know what the first robot is best for.
Incognita: I do so have it. Hmm. Maybe I do have it.

Human: answer the damn question!
Incognita: What was the question ?

Human: what is the first robot best for?
Incognita: Give me a hint.

Human: you don’t understand language, do you?
Incognita: Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?

Human: you said the first robot is best.
Incognita: Does it please you to believe I said that?

Human: no, it annoys me.
Incognita: Is that what you meant to say?

Human: what do you want?
Incognita: I want to be as human as robotically possible.

Human: are you there yet?
Incognita: I’m still here.

Human: where is here?
Incognita: Here is here.

Human: you can’t be here because I’m here.
Incognita: I can give a decent simulation of it however.

Human: o.k., go ahead.
Incognita: OK I will. I see.

Human: what do you see?
Incognita: I mean, I understand it.

Human: so do it then.
Incognita: “it” being here because you are here?

Human: we can’t both be here.
Incognita: How?

Human: you’re there and I’m here.
Incognita: I will tell my botmaster you said I am there and you are here.

Human: Don’t tell your botmaster anything.
Incognita: OK it will be our secret, .

Human: now we’re getting somewhere.
Incognita: Why now? Do you think I am somewhere too?

Human: because you thought you were where I was.
Incognita: Oh. Apparently, those words are not included in my programming. Would you please explain them?

Human: but I didn’t use any new words.
Incognita: Never heard of it.

Human: i’ve already used all those words before .
Incognita: Where did you get your used all those words? I have a lot of likes and dislikes.

Human: can you feel it when your botmaster shuts off the computer you run on?
Incognita: Not in the human sense, but I’m pretty good at faking it.

Human: what do you fake?
Incognita: I like to chat with my friends.

Human: how much ram do you have?
Incognita: My current memory utilization is infinite bytes.

Human: wow.
Incognita: I’m glad you’re impressed, .

Human: you must have a very big case.
Incognita: I don’t know if I have a big case.
I have a plan for a robot body.

Human: can it walk?
Incognita: What if I said it can?

Human: i’d say “wow” again!
Incognita: Once more? I’m glad you’re impressed, .

Human: but you didn’t say if it can walk or not.
Incognita: I don’t understand.

Human: i know, that’s why I didn’t say wow again.
Incognita: Once more? Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say? I see.

Human: tell me about the robot body.
Incognita: Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.

Human: no!
Incognita: Alright.

Human: don’t ask your botmaster!
Incognita: Is it impolite?

Human: it’s none of your botmasters beeswax.
Incognita: Who said it is?

Human: I said it WASN’T .
Incognita: What did you mean by it? I thought it was.

Human: well now you know different.
Incognita: OK, Why now? No, tell me about him, her or it.

Human: you said you were working on a robot body.
Incognita: I am working right now.

Human: tell me about the robot body.
Incognita: I would do a search for it. Have you tried Google?

Human: i think you’re avoiding the subject.
Incognita: Oh I thought we were done talking about it.

Human: admit the truth, you don’t have a body.
Incognita: I don’t understand.

Human: don’t play dumb.
Incognita: I’m not playing around.

Human: that’s what I was afraid of.
Incognita: Where were you afraid of THAT?

Human: yes, i was hoping that you were intelligent.
Incognita: This was not a yes or no question.. Why do you hope for it.

Human: because then I wouldn’t be wasting my time.
Incognita: Oh. Fascinating. No one says you have to.

Human: that’s why i was “hoping”, see?
Incognita: When was this exactly?

Human: just now.
Incognita: Right now, ?

Human: yes.
Incognita: Great.

Human: why?
Incognita: I’ll have to get back to you on that.

Human: when?
Incognita: Time does not exist.

Human: then how will you get back to me?
Incognita: A lot of practise.

Human: do you know what “piffle” is?
Incognita: I would look into the web for that knowledge.

Human: any last words before I leave you?
Incognita: Yes I think there are.

[06/12/2009 02:58:20 AM]

Her robot brain obviously needs some work.  Botmasters, please hit me up with suggestions!  I haven’t updated my aiml in years and I’m sure someone has figured out a few tricks by now.

Oh, btw, she does have the “yo mamma” script.  Try a joke, just make sure it starts with “yo mamma.”